The Real World: Moulin Rouge
by StellaPen
Summary: This is the story of our favorite characters, all stuck in a house together! funny, I hope. 4TH CHAPER IS UP!
1. Strange toads and Jedi Knights

A/N: I'm not really a fan of the Real World, but I, being a lazy teenager with nothing better to do, have watched it before. So this is what happened when I had too much sugar one morning. I stuck the Moulin Rouge characters into modern day NYC…in the same house.  
  
  
(Camera zooms in on shots of New York City, we see all our favorite characters walking around holding hands)  
  
Narrator: This is the true story of ten strangers, picked to live in a house to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. The Real World!  
  
(Camera zooms in to interior of apartment. We see Frogger and The Duke sitting on stools whispering quietly to each other)  
  
Frogger: But you don't even have a name…  
  
Duke: Then you will have to name me, my dear amphibian.  
  
Frogger: You lived with your freakin; parents until you came here!  
  
Duke: Shh…here comes that smart-ass poet.  
  
(Christian enters the room, wearing only jeans)  
  
Christian: BLOODY HELL! How many times do I have to tell you, that shirt is mine!  
  
Duke: Nuhuh! Look, Chrissy boy, I bought this one at a Sex Pistols concert, ok, and…and…back off!  
  
(The Duke stands up and tries to intimidate Christian, but succeeds only in knocking the stool over and falling on his face. Frogger immediately jumps on top of him to "help him up". The camera follows Christian upstairs, who is muttering something under his breath about inter-species relationships.)  
  
Christian (talking to the camera on his way up the stairs): I know what's going on with that Duke guy…what the hell is his name anyway? So far he's tried to hit on everyone in this house, and he still doesn't get it, NO ONE LIKES HIM. I mean, God, a frickin' frog. How low can he get?  
  
(Christian arrives upstairs and enters a big room where we see a Jacuzzi, a bar, many work-out machines, and lots of other stuff that makes you wonder how it can all fit into one apartment. A big man with huge sideburns is jogging on the treadmill. This is The Argentinean.)  
Argentinean: Hey, Chris. You interested in being in that talent contest yet?"  
  
Christian: I already told you -   
  
Argentinean: But you would totally win! I mean, you've got the biggest talent of all of us…  
  
(Christian "accidentally" bumps a button on the treadmill, which then speeds up a lot.)  
  
Argentinean (out of breath): OK, OK, I get it…but…but at least help me pick a name!  
  
Zidler (from another room): Is he bothering you with that name-thing again LISTEN, you are Bob! OK, Bob! Now cool it.  
  
(Zidler hurries into the room and immediately hurries downstairs.)  
  
Christian (as he is heading toward the Jacuzzi): Where are you going?  
  
Zidler (from the stairs): I figured I should warn that Duke that the toad is hallucinogenic, it was like that damn green fairy times ten when he kissed me…I mean…  
  
Christian (shaking his head): Bloody toad! What does everyone see in him anyway? He is green and slimy. I am tall (well, I wish), have beautiful green eyes with a touch of blue, and have played the magnificent Obi-Wan Kenobi?  
  
Satine (in the Jacuzzi): What was that last part, darling?  
  
Christian: Oh…errr…I dunno.  
  
Satine (frowing): No, I heard it. You said, "And have played the magnificent Obi-Wan Kenobi." What is that supposed to mean???  
  
Christian: He…I…  
  
Satine: You have "played" him, huh? Well Christian, I do not appreciate being cheated on like that! I will find out who this Obi-Wan is and…and…do something to him!"  
  
(Satine storms out, wearing absolutely nothing. We see Toulouse's and the Green Fairy's heads pop up from the bar, to watch.)  
  
Toulouse: Anyway dear, back to business…  
  
(Toulouse and the Green Fairy go down again. Camera zooms almost into the Jacuzzi, where we see that Christian has pitifully ducked himself completely under the water. We here a sad muffled little "And you can tell everybody, this is your -", with some bubbles, when suddenly…)  
  
Christian (splashing water at the camera): Hey, shut this bloody thing off!"  
  
  
A/N: Next chapter will be up soon! Please r/r, my first attempt at what I hope is humor. 


	2. Frank is out of my foot and more dangero...

A/N: OK next chapter, better I hope. I realized I forgot to do the usual disclaimers, so, here goes: I do not own Moulin Rouge or any of the characters, no matter how much I may wish it. I do not own Real World and don't really wish too. These things belong to Baz Luhrman and MTV. And Carson Daly fans, I mean you no offense, I'm just having fun. Also, any references I make to other stuff, well, they aren't mine! (I kind of make an implied reference to the book "Big Trouble" by Dave Barry, which is excellent).  
  
(Satine is sitting in a random dark corner where for some reason no one else is, talking quietly to the camera.)  
  
Satine: Who does he think he is…this…this Obi-Wan? I mean, sure, I found out he's got a lightsabre, but…but…I can look good and sing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend".  
  
(Cameraman quickly runs away as Satine gets up and attempts to prove this. As the camera is bumpily moving away, we here a muffled "The French are glad to die…")  
  
(Camera has now arrived in a bed room, where a confused-looking old man is sitting on the corner of the bed mumbling strange sounds and counting something on his fingers. This is Satie.)  
  
Satie (completely to himself): First I had two shoes…now there's just one. Two shoes, then one. That means…HEY, FRANK TOOK MY SHOE!   
  
(Camera dramatically zooms in on Satie. In the background we hear Satie's self-proclaimed theme song playing, "Meet Me In the Redroom.)  
  
Satie: First he tried to live in my foot, then he went and took my darn shoe. Back in my day we didn't do that…  
  
(Satie continues mumbling strange things to himself, while cameraman goes off to find Frank. Frank is hiding in the shower, crouching down, hovering over a shoe.)  
  
Frank: SHHH! He can't no I'm in here! I found this shoe, and it's so lovely, and I must…I must…OK, fine, I admit it, I have a foot-fetish. I can't control myself. But Satie's feet, they're just so gorgeous. True works of art really, and since he won't let me near his feet I had to settle with this shoe. Ahh, but what a shoe it is.  
  
(Cameraman runs away, highly disturbed. As he runs past Satie again: )  
  
Satie: I had two shoes, now I have one, two minus one….oh screw it.  
  
(Camera now goes back out into the main room, where we find Christian getting out of the Jacuzzi, soaking wet, still wearing only his jeans. "Bob" the Argentinean apparently can't take his eyes off him.)  
  
Christian (at the bar): Hey Toulouse! Hey - why are you still dressed like a nun?  
  
Toulouse (finally backing away from the Green Fairy): I suppose it's about time I told you. I'm a cross dresser. And nuns happen to be my favorite. Now go away, silly boy.  
  
Christian: Well I KNEW that. As if bursting into my apartment wasn't enough…ok ya know what? Just get me a drink.  
  
(Toulouse pours some Absinthe into a glass that says "Catch TRL on MTV everyday!", and then goes back to the Green Fairy.)  
  
Christian: Christ, advertisements everywhere! And I am so much better looking than Carson Daly anyways!   
  
(Christian gulps down the absinthe and immediately falls backward on the floor. Camera continues on back downstairs where we find a scene of chaos.)  
  
Zidler (holding the Duke down): Shh! Just try to relax -   
  
Duke: NOOOOO! I can't take it anymore! He's trying to attack me! Look at his red eyes! CAN'T YOU SEE HIM???  
  
Zidler: No. There's nothing there. Just calm down. Breathe slowly, in, out, in, out. Geez, you look like you're giving birth or something.  
  
Duke: NOOOOO! MAKE IT STOP!  
  
Zidler: I tried to warn you that the toad was hallucinogenic! And then you went and kissed it anyways! Whatever you see isn't real.  
  
Duke: But…but…it's my worst nightmare! I see…CARSON DALY! He has red eyes and he's trying to kill me!  
  
(Zidler runs screaming from the room, apparently terrified by even the thought of Carson Daly. The Duke is left to his own defenses.) 


	3. Believe In Love Above All Things, I Do

(Camera is on front door as we see Satine come in, looking frustrated, carrying a newspaper.)  
  
Satine (shrieking really high-pitched): CHRISTIAN! WHAT IS THIS CRAP??!! Look at this headline: "Ewan McGregor, Moulin Rouge's 'Christian', plays Obi-Wan Kenobi excellently." Why don't you just quit lying. You're in love with someone else. And it's not even a woman.   
  
Frogger (hopping by): You better hope Obi didn't sing Come What May to him, I mean, he's got that sexy Force thing going on already and…  
  
(Frogger is stomped on by Satine.)  
  
Frogger: CROAK.  
  
(The Duke comes in still screaming about Carson Daly.)  
  
Duke: OH MY GOD. Carson Dumbass is still trying to attack me…and…and…NOOOOOOO! (Looks panicked and grabs a random large metal bar, which looks rather like a lightsabre at the moment. He begins to swing it at Satine, who looks like she could care less.)  
  
Christian (from upstairs): Obi-Wan, is that you?  
  
Satine: I've had enough. I'm off to find someone else. (Goes out of the house and slams the door).  
  
Duke: She…she killed Frogger! (Runs crying like a baby from the room).  
  
Frogger (to himself and the camera): Is he gone? Thank God. It's bad enough that he doesn't have a name and that he lived in his parent's basement where all he did was hack into weird government sites and make conspiracy theories, but did you know that he once attacked me with a cane?! A wooden cane! Those things hurt, man! I mean, I was sitting in this nice little grassy spot under a tree, having a frog picnic, a very important picnic thank you with all my friends, when suddenly I hear "My dear, a little frog!" Just as I was thinking, "I am not little," he smashes me with the damn cane, in some kinda spastic rage. He should take an anger-management course.  
  
(Cameraman is beginning to have trouble holding the camera up for so long).  
  
Frogger (continuing): Of course, I haven't ever had a great life. There was my troubled childhood, where my parents were both killed in similar manners by one kid, and geez, I just KNOW it was that same Dukey when he was younger that killed them. What is his problem with frogs anyways, he -   
  
Zidler (coming down the stairs): Shut up. (to the camera): Don't let him bother you with his stupid monologues again. He wants to be a star. He keeps saying that one day he'll be a real actor, in a real theatre. What the hell. I happen to know he smoked weed for like 5 years, I mean, I used to get it from him. Err…whoops.  
  
(Zidler runs off quickly coughing like nothing happened. Camera goes upstairs. Upstairs, in the big room, we find "Bob" the Argentinean watching N*SYNC in concert. Cameraman almost throws up.)  
  
"Bob" (to camera): Oh hello, Mr. MTV Man, I am practicing my new dance moves. Care to join me? I'm very talented.  
  
Toulouse (from behind the bar): You manage to work "talent" into every sentence.  
  
"Bob": (Evil laughter, then coughing): Umm, anyway. Yeah, so like the only dance I knew was from the brothels in Buenos Aires, and I see that is totally not hip here in the U.S. of A. And I have also found out how to totally talk cooler. Dontcha like it?   
  
(Cameraman stumbles for a moment, laughing hysterically at the site of this almost 7 foot man talking like a teenage girl. "Bob" The Argentinean then begins to do the "Bye Bye Bye" dance.)  
  
Toulouse: That's it, I really need more absinthe.  
  
Green Fairy: I don't think any amount of absinthe will get that out of your mind.  
  
Toulouse: You think that's bad? You should have seen him when he first learned about disco and was doing John Travolta…  
  
(Door opens, Satie randomly walks through.)  
  
Satie: Dang that Frank, can anyone tell me what two minus one is?  
  
(Satie walks out.)  
  
Toulouse: That was weird.  
  
(Christian enters, this time only in boxers. "Bob" immediately stops dancing and fixes his eyes on him.)  
  
Christian: I will kill that bloody Duke.  
  
"Bob": Wha…wow, umm…what happened this time? It's ok, you can tell me honey.  
  
(Christian moves as far away from him as he can go.)  
  
Christian (while trying to shrug "Bob's" hands off his shoulders, says to camera): That freakin Duke took my Sex Pistols shirt, which I stole from someone in a mosh pit thank you very much -   
  
"Bob": I wish I had been in that mosh pit…Erm…you didn't hear that.  
  
Christian (almost freaking out now because "Bob" is holding his hand): Then he took my jeans. I swear by the end of today I'll be naked.  
  
("Bob" perks up. At this moment, Satine enters, holding a Yoda doll that talks. Unfortunately, she catches "Bob" and Christian holding hands.)  
  
Satine: Dammit, Christian, do you have a commitment problem or what? Well at least I found someone new. (Holds up Yoda doll for everyone to see, and squeezes it to make it talk.)  
  
Yoda doll: Fear, anger, hate, the dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  
  
Satine (snuggling Yoda doll): I think you're so sexy when you say that.  
  
Christian (has been astonished this whole time): You left me for a bloody doll? And you're telling me I have a commitment problems. But, haha, you know deep down inside you're really liking me looking gorgeous in boxers right now… (Strikes a modeling pose.)  
  
Yoda doll: Hot, Christian is. Love him, I do.  
  
(Satine throws the Yoda doll on the ground and stomps out. End music plays. As camera fades to darkness we hear an anonymous voice say):  
  
"I had two shoes, now I have one, two minus one…DAMN YOU FRANK, you know I'm no good at adding…" 


	4. Talented Boy Bands

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update everyone. I've been busy with finals, but more watching DVDs I got for my birthday, like Little Voice *giggles*. And again, writer's block took over, so let's hope this is funny, hmm?  
  
  
(We open to see Bob, Yoda Doll, Frank, and Zidler all wearing bright colors, cargo pants, and very very very bleached hair. They are standing in the main room upstairs. We follow Christian upstairs, still only in boxers.)  
  
Christian: Shh. I'm trying to get away from that bloody Duke. He's chasing me, but he started making out with Carson Daly when I said no, dammit, he cannot have my boxers.  
  
(Christian arrives upstairs, and immediately turns to leave.)  
  
Christian: Holy crap.  
  
Bob: No wait, honey, we can explain. See, we've got our own band going here, and well we just need one more member…  
  
Frank: All the cool boy bands have five…  
  
Zidler: And plus we need you to help us pick a name. You're hotter than us anyway. You have to be the hearthrob. Every group has one. I'm the old guy that none of the girls actually like but he's just there anyway.  
  
Bob: I'm the bad boy.  
  
Frank: I'm the quiet one.  
  
Yoda doll: The strange, dark, mysterious one, I am. (Yoda doll somehow manages to pull out a wig with long flowing black hair).  
  
Zidler: So as you can see, my bro (randomly high fives the other three), you are needed. None of us are hot.   
  
Bob: And your -   
  
Zidler: Don't even say it. I swear, if you say "talent" one more time I'll -   
  
Christian: Umm, guys, I'm not interested. Why don't you get Demon Carson Daly or something, I mean, he's down their kissing that Dukey kid already, I'm sure he'd just LOVE you all…  
  
(Toulouse and Satie come out from behind the bar. Satie keeps giving Frank evil looks.)  
  
Toulouse: They've already tried to recruit us, Christian. Join our Rebellion. Resist the evil boy band.  
  
Yoda Doll: Futile, resistance is.  
  
Bob (whispering to him): Wrong movie…  
  
Yoda doll: Oh. Christian, your father I am!  
  
Christian: What the hell.  
  
(Toulouse throws Christian a squirt gun. He and Frank dramatically put on sunglasses.)  
  
Bob (completely randomly muttering): Here come the MIB…  
  
Christian: If you come any closer…I'll…I'll squirt you!  
  
Bob: I think I took that totally the wrong way…  
  
(At this moment the Duke, Carson, and Frogger come running up from downstairs. They all immediately run straight into Christian and knock him down.)  
  
Duke: ha, now I've got them on my side, I'll have your boxers in no time!  
  
Carson (who is apparently a total idiot, but still has red eyes): Whoa, check it out, these look like those boxers Madonna wore one time…or was that Puff Daddy? I was drunk that night.  
  
(They have now successfully gotten the boxers off Christian. The "boy band" has all pulled up chairs and is eating popcorn.)  
  
Bob (to Zidler): Nice show.  
  
Zidler: Too bad Satine's missing it.  
  
(Suddenly, Satine and the Green Fairy come back, carrying about 5 dozen shopping bags.)  
  
Satine: Christian, I've gotten over you and moved on and - OMIGOD.   
  
(Christian streaks by everyone)  
  
Satine: Nope, definitely not over you.  
  
(She and the Green Fairy pull up chairs. Camera fades to black. We hear a whisperJ  
  
Satie: Did you two buy any extra shoes, by any chance? 


End file.
